Cell phones and the internet have made communication easy and constant between existing friends, potential partners, your significant other, or any type of romantic relationship. They also allow for the creation of new relationships without having to meet face-to-face. Just like our in-person relationships, digital relationships (of any kind) can be complicated. Talking via phone or computer can give people the confidence to act in ways that are inappropriate. 8 out of 10 Mexicans reported experiencing some form of digital harassment (figures reported by INEGI in 2022). Here are 10 toxic signs to watch out for when communicating with others digitally.
Intensity
Excessive and constant compliments or posts in various forms, also known as “love bombing.” Insisting on constant contact, which may include excessive direct messages, texts, calls, etc.
Manipulation
Demanding that a friend, partner, companion, or family member share passwords or log into accounts on their device. Or suddenly asking to create a shared email or social media account. If someone refuses to share passwords or any type of personal information, the other person might respond with, “What are you hiding?” or “If you really trusted me, you’d give me access.”
Sabotage
Accessing someone else's account without their consent and altering personal information, unfriending or unfollowing people without their knowledge, or sending offensive messages to acquaintances and/or strangers to cause issues. Deleting emails, messages, or calendar invitations intentionally to disrupt work and/or school success.
Guilt-Tripping
Claiming that someone didn’t respond quickly enough to any type of message or call. Expressing disappointment, especially in a partner, for not liking or commenting on all their photos or posts. Sending unsolicited nudes with the expectation of receiving the same in return.
Evading Responsibility
Blaming technology for an action, such as claiming, “Someone else must have taken that photo from my device,” or saying their account was “hacked.” Instead of admitting to spreading a rumor, they might say, “Someone must have taken my phone and read our messages.”
Possessiveness
Pressuring someone to delete a post or image or even asking them not to post in the future. Tracking someone’s location through their device without consent or demanding they send photos, exact locations, or screenshots of what they are doing.
Isolation
Pressuring someone to spend less time on social media to focus more on the relationship. Blocking someone on their device or accounts to prevent them from connecting with friends or family.
Belittling
Publicly mocking someone’s social media feed by criticizing their posts or selfies. Criticizing intimate/romantic photos to pressure someone into sharing more extreme/explicit content.
Instability
Sudden bursts of long and angry texts/messages. Making the other person feel anxious because they never know when they’ll receive a kind text or an insulting one.
Betrayal
Being disloyal or acting intentionally dishonest. “Doxing”: Sharing private information that was disclosed confidentially. Posting an intimate photo or video shared in trust with someone in your circle.
Setting Boundaries
It’s important to feel comfortable when talking to others online or via text. Take a step back and evaluate your relationships. There’s nothing wrong with taking a break from communicating through social media. Digital overload is very real, and if your real life is suffering due to your digital life, it’s time to step back.
If someone, whether it’s a friend, coworker, social club member, partner, or family member, is trying to obtain information you don’t want to share, is overly argumentative, or shows signs of harassment, don’t hesitate to block them and step away.
Digital harassment can take many forms, and recognizing these harmful behaviors early can help protect you. Harassers seek to take control of your life through such tactics. If you notice any of the mentioned signs, ask yourself how comfortable you feel continuing to communicate with them.
When starting any form of new communication, you should feel comfortable setting boundaries with the people you’re talking to or even with yourself.
How often do you feel comfortable communicating digitally?
What things do you feel comfortable not sharing?
What types of conversations should be had in person?
How do you balance your digital communications and relationships with the rest of your busy life?
There’s no easy roadmap for navigating digital relationships. The bottom line is that if someone makes you uncomfortable, you have every right to stop communicating with them. If someone is harassing you online, you definitely don’t want to interact with them in person.
Sadly, 96% of people who experience digital harassment also suffer from other types of harassment. As relationships change and evolve, it’s a good idea to take time to discover your boundaries and put an end to any behavior that makes you uncomfortable.
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