as anyone ever sent you repeated text messages because you didn’t reply quickly enough? Have you ever received sexually explicit photos (also known as nudes) without asking for them? Or maybe someone demanded your password or access to your phone and social media accounts.
These behaviors are unhealthy and actually qualify as digital abuse.
Digital abuse can come from anyone: a dating partner, a friend, or an acquaintance. In a world where we are constantly surrounded by technology, it’s important to understand the various forms of abuse that can occur both online and offline.
1.- Have a discussion about comfort levels.
People have different comfort levels when it comes to how often they like to stay in touch. Talk to your partner about what feels comfortable or uncomfortable for them when it comes to texting and social media. In a healthy relationship, your partner will be considerate of your feelings, and the level of contact will feel mutual, while in an unhealthy relationship, your partner may be more demanding and disregard your feelings or comfort level on this matter.
2.- Find a happy middle ground together.
If two people want to text all day, and both enjoy it, great! It becomes unhealthy if two people don’t talk about healthy boundaries, or if one person assumes they can text all the time regardless of what the other person wants. In a healthy relationship, both people equally care about each other's comfort level. There should be a mutual agreement on how often they communicate.
If you feel that someone demands to know your whereabouts, doesn’t want you to go to certain places, or implies that you "owe" them information about what you’re doing or why, these are signs of an unhealthy and abusive relationship. In healthy relationships, people feel free and under no pressure, and they don’t need to inform their partner about everything they do.
4. Healthy relationships have boundaries.
Just because you’re in a relationship with someone doesn’t give them the right to check your phone or know what you’re doing every minute of the day. Checking your partner’s phone or social media without their permission is toxic and abusive behavior. In a healthy relationship, you and your partner will trust each other and respect personal boundaries.
5. The internet is forever..
If someone asks you for nudes or sexual photos, don’t feel obligated to share them. Even if you trust your partner or know they will delete the images right away, this is not safe because once a photo is taken, it never really disappears, even on Snapchat! Sharing such photos can create an unhealthy power imbalance in your relationship. Once someone has explicit photos of you, they can use them as blackmail to control you.
6. Guilt is not good.
If your partner makes you feel guilty for not giving your password, not sending sexual photos, or anything else you don’t feel comfortable with, then they don’t respect your decisions and are not a good person to be with. Repeatedly asking and guilt-tripping someone to do something they’re not comfortable with is abuse. In a healthy relationship, your partner will never try to convince or pressure you into doing something you don’t feel completely comfortable with.
Digital Abuse Behaviors
Online abuse shares many of the same behaviors as offline abuse. Digital abuse is…
Coercive. When someone pressures or harasses you to do things you're not comfortable with, including sexual acts.
Controlling. When someone is dominating and tries to control you or gain power over you.
Degrading. When someone belittles and devalues you.
Embarrassing. When someone threatens to share embarrassing information about you or posts personal or intimate details on public social media.
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